fuck

I am free.

For the first time in nine months.

I am free.

I waited nine long months.

And I am finally free.

I am going to enjoy myself tonight.

Fuck you, for making me depressed and self conscious. I am going to enjoy myself tonight. Fuck you.

seventy two hours.

Each day I feel more disconnected and I fear my head and my heart will never truly click again. Tonight I looked at the sky and spoke your name. And you know, I almost felt real again.

I am in desperate need of a reality check.
Or maybe some cuddling.

Simple dichotomy.

Sometimes I wish the world could be a simple dichotomy. I think that everything would be easier that way.

But it's not. If everything were one way or another; black or white, the world would be a much happier place. And I don't think that we deserve that. Not just yet.

Not until we realize what we're doing.

Euphoria

My mom always says life would be a lot easier if we could pick who we loved.

I always say life would be a lot easier if I could pick who you loved.

Maybe I wasnt clear when I said

That I love you, and I need you.

Maybe you just misunderstood.

Today I practiced telling you again, in front of the mirror. But then I remembered that I'm a coward.

And that a pane of glass will not decide the way you feel.

I noticed,

My posts have been utter crap as of late.

Maybe if I could stop having that fucking dream.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Set yourself on fire.

I remember when you embarassed me at Thanksgiving.

Tonight the stars whispered your name. Tonight the stars missed your face.

I cleared the room for just you, but you never came.

And now all I've got is a passageway you told me to kept secret, and a handful of false I Love You's. I'm through with this, I'm through with you. I'm through with fucking metaphors.
(But that's what I said last week.)

You could have at least told me what I wanted to hear.

Yours Truly,
Hillary.