congrats, you're a cliche.

Reading your blogs makes me feel incredibly inadequate. Like a tiny molecule on your nose, something you can't even see, but it's there. And when I am mentioned, my heart sort of swells, and when anyone else is, particularly someone who shares my gender, it relapses into the deflated organ it was previously. If I wanted you for my own, I had my chance. And now it's gone and I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm not sure if it's just that you always want what you can't have, or if I have some sort of severe brain defect. I would like to pen something profound, something that would impress you, and make you think, "This girl's sorta homely, but she's got a decent head on her shoulders." But I don't, I really don't. My head is a jumble.

A mess.

Nothing compared to.. what I'd like it to be.

And I'm trying so hard to break whatever mold people shove me into, not just for you or whoever else, but for myself. I would really like to write exactly what's on my mind right now, but I'm afraid you'll read it. I'm afraid you'll understand what I'm trying to convey. Or imply. Or.. I don't know.

On an entirely different note, someone else makes me sick. This someone else, let's just say "you," because it's easier and requires less effort, disgusts me in every manner of the term. I may be a homewrecking bitch, but at least I don't have feathers up my ass, at least I'm not trying to be a chicken. You and your ideals, your conclusion that you're intelligent and the vast majority of people don't compare to how great and original you are, they disgust me. Because there are billions of people breathing the same air as you. There are thousands of people who've got the same depressing, more-indie-than-thou attitude, the same Silversun Pickups obsession, the same negative ideas and thoughts.

Just because the world sucks, doesn't mean that it's everyone else's fault. It's as much yours as ours. I think it's pretty clear who I'm referring to by now. I think it's pretty clear that you are bullshit. Maybe people should get out of their houses, but maybe you should, too.

Just because you think you're right, doesn't mean that you are.

I have so much more to say.

In a few short weeks, I'm starting high school. And I know that since there are people like Max and Rosie and Cassy and well, my friends from Middle School are going to be there, I'm a lot less frightened. But yeah, I'm scared, and yeah, I don't want to go. But change is an essential part of life. If you're alive, you've got to deal with it, as far as I know.

I guess I'm just not prepared for something to happen. Because, well, I like the way things are now. I don't want them to change.

And now it seems I'm stuck.

Nobody's going to read this.

Kind of a comfort.