that post sucked.
Maybe I can only write when I feel sad.
Hmm.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
across the universe
The indecision before a kiss.
The way you can forget everything in one.
I'm incapable of expressing myself at this point in time.
I don't see how there's anything I can say to describe what I feel, because I don't feel very much.
My god, tonight was beautiful.
I'm pleased. I think.
Yeah.
The way you can forget everything in one.
I'm incapable of expressing myself at this point in time.
I don't see how there's anything I can say to describe what I feel, because I don't feel very much.
My god, tonight was beautiful.
I'm pleased. I think.
Yeah.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
I wanna hold your hand
I read somewhere I don't recall, that "I want to hold your hand" is the ultimate love song. Because it's the most basic display of affection. All anybody really wants is to hold hands. Be happy.
I don't know.
I think I agree.
I'm tired.
I don't know.
I think I agree.
I'm tired.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
I want you to want me.
"I wish it could just be simple, like a retro pop song, "I want you to want me." Boom. End of story. We all live happily ever after. But it is never really like that, is it?"
No.
It's not.
No.
It's not.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Middle of nowhere
Why are you still so important to me? I mean, fuck, man, this always happens, I waste time on somebody who I shouldn't be wasting time on. It's like this big, shitty circle of, er, shit.
I don't know, I can't even think, nothing feels okay.
"Tonight I'm going above the stars."
References to failed comic book suicide attempts will get me nowhere.
Anyway, the inconsistency of my posting is irritating me. I mean, I'm irritated at myself, because I want this blog to stay important to me, you know? I need to get better at keeping up with this, not for whatever sad people with nothing better to do's benefit, bur for my own. I think I will eventually call it quits but for now I'm going to keep this up, I want to try and .. I don't know. I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
Whatever.
I'm sick of spending seven hours a day learning about absolutely nothing, and then three more at the stupid library, where there are thousands of things I could read, but instead of slap them onto a shelf, or whatever. Also, I hate AV materials. Stupid shit. Nobody is ever going to check out "THE BEST OF CHER." Get a clue.
I hate it when your stories start out with things like, "So I was at this show.." because it sounds fucking pretentious, I dunno why, it just does to me. I'm sick of trying to pick out your flaws to make myself feel better about losing you.
I spend a lot of time complaining and very little getting things done. I want to get away from here. I've been told that it's the same everywhere else, but that's a fucking joke to me. I know that somewhere, I'm missing out on fun and friendships with people who don't fuck with my head and interesting conversations and 24 hour coffee shops. I'm so tired. Of this. Of everything.
Get me out of here. Please?
I don't know, I can't even think, nothing feels okay.
"Tonight I'm going above the stars."
References to failed comic book suicide attempts will get me nowhere.
Anyway, the inconsistency of my posting is irritating me. I mean, I'm irritated at myself, because I want this blog to stay important to me, you know? I need to get better at keeping up with this, not for whatever sad people with nothing better to do's benefit, bur for my own. I think I will eventually call it quits but for now I'm going to keep this up, I want to try and .. I don't know. I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
Whatever.
I'm sick of spending seven hours a day learning about absolutely nothing, and then three more at the stupid library, where there are thousands of things I could read, but instead of slap them onto a shelf, or whatever. Also, I hate AV materials. Stupid shit. Nobody is ever going to check out "THE BEST OF CHER." Get a clue.
I hate it when your stories start out with things like, "So I was at this show.." because it sounds fucking pretentious, I dunno why, it just does to me. I'm sick of trying to pick out your flaws to make myself feel better about losing you.
I spend a lot of time complaining and very little getting things done. I want to get away from here. I've been told that it's the same everywhere else, but that's a fucking joke to me. I know that somewhere, I'm missing out on fun and friendships with people who don't fuck with my head and interesting conversations and 24 hour coffee shops. I'm so tired. Of this. Of everything.
Get me out of here. Please?
Friday, October 5, 2007
I can hear
my cat mewling in the other room
Greer and her friend yelling at the tv
Jordan Pundik crooning "Head Over Heels"
my computer humming
I have a lot of shit to cover, so hold tight.
I noticed I've been sitting up straighter lately. I've noticed I'm kind of losing my mind, and my anxiety attacks and coming back full force. I feel like a frightened third grader again.
My hands shake, my palms sweat, my heart rate increases, my pupils dilate. I think somebody is putting something in my brain freezies. I think it would be nice if I were re "enlisted" in therapy. I think it's for the best.
My mom says I am a "nervous Nellie." Which is fucking idiotic, if you ask me, but nobody seems to. I guess she's going to talk to my doctor and see if I need medication or something, which should be great, I'm gonna be extremely pleased when I'm on FIVE medications.
I can't sleep or focus or think or write. But I don't see how little white pills are going to help that.
On another note.
This is another year. Well, I don't feel any different. I don't understand how marking down the amount of time you've been breathing will help anything. I wanted to do something funny, like get real drunk and jump off of something ("It's real low, man, see? I can make it, I sweeaaarrrr"), but then I remembered that A) alcohol disgusts me, and B) that is only funny in theory.
I think I will eventually have to grow up, but for now I'm going to keep this sixth grade mentality. It works better that way.
And don't get me wrong. I like being older. But I don't think that it's worth all the hype. Birthdays in general. What's the point?
Meh.
I'm tired.
Greer and her friend yelling at the tv
Jordan Pundik crooning "Head Over Heels"
my computer humming
I have a lot of shit to cover, so hold tight.
I noticed I've been sitting up straighter lately. I've noticed I'm kind of losing my mind, and my anxiety attacks and coming back full force. I feel like a frightened third grader again.
My hands shake, my palms sweat, my heart rate increases, my pupils dilate. I think somebody is putting something in my brain freezies. I think it would be nice if I were re "enlisted" in therapy. I think it's for the best.
My mom says I am a "nervous Nellie." Which is fucking idiotic, if you ask me, but nobody seems to. I guess she's going to talk to my doctor and see if I need medication or something, which should be great, I'm gonna be extremely pleased when I'm on FIVE medications.
I can't sleep or focus or think or write. But I don't see how little white pills are going to help that.
On another note.
This is another year. Well, I don't feel any different. I don't understand how marking down the amount of time you've been breathing will help anything. I wanted to do something funny, like get real drunk and jump off of something ("It's real low, man, see? I can make it, I sweeaaarrrr"), but then I remembered that A) alcohol disgusts me, and B) that is only funny in theory.
I think I will eventually have to grow up, but for now I'm going to keep this sixth grade mentality. It works better that way.
And don't get me wrong. I like being older. But I don't think that it's worth all the hype. Birthdays in general. What's the point?
Meh.
I'm tired.
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