I can hear

my cat mewling in the other room
Greer and her friend yelling at the tv
Jordan Pundik crooning "Head Over Heels"
my computer humming

I have a lot of shit to cover, so hold tight.

I noticed I've been sitting up straighter lately. I've noticed I'm kind of losing my mind, and my anxiety attacks and coming back full force. I feel like a frightened third grader again.
My hands shake, my palms sweat, my heart rate increases, my pupils dilate. I think somebody is putting something in my brain freezies. I think it would be nice if I were re "enlisted" in therapy. I think it's for the best.

My mom says I am a "nervous Nellie." Which is fucking idiotic, if you ask me, but nobody seems to. I guess she's going to talk to my doctor and see if I need medication or something, which should be great, I'm gonna be extremely pleased when I'm on FIVE medications.

I can't sleep or focus or think or write. But I don't see how little white pills are going to help that.

On another note.
This is another year. Well, I don't feel any different. I don't understand how marking down the amount of time you've been breathing will help anything. I wanted to do something funny, like get real drunk and jump off of something ("It's real low, man, see? I can make it, I sweeaaarrrr"), but then I remembered that A) alcohol disgusts me, and B) that is only funny in theory.

I think I will eventually have to grow up, but for now I'm going to keep this sixth grade mentality. It works better that way.

And don't get me wrong. I like being older. But I don't think that it's worth all the hype. Birthdays in general. What's the point?

Meh.

I'm tired.