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your demeanor looks like quicksand.


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I thought about it today. And I figure that when you tell me you want to know me, you are telling me you want to know if you love me or not. Because once you know someone, fully, don't you also know if you love them or not? Isn't it the same thing? I dunno. I feel conceited saying that, somehow..

I hate that feeling I get in my gut whenever SHE comes up. That stupid GIRL that you fell in love with. It kills me to know that you loved someone that is not me. Even though it's out of my hands. All of it. And when I asked if you wish you could change things so you could still be with her, you avoided the question. And it killed me.
And when you told me the story of how she let you go, it killed me. And I just feel so dead thinking about it. HER. Why HER? She's nothing special. She's nothing compared to you. Not that I AM, just, somehow, you're blinded. And I'm okay with that.
I think.
Yeah. I am a human. I am selfish. Therefore, I am okay with that.

I am so much more comfortable convincing myself that you didn't REALLY love her. But I know you did. Maybe you still do. Maybe you always will. And it kills me.