Phantom Limb

oh,
you are
the roots
that sleep
beneath my feet
and hold
the earth
in
place.

If only I didn't have to use someone else's words.

I wish I were aesthetically pleasing enough to measure up to you. Good lord, I just.. You're just... EVERYTHING I ever possibly could have imagined in someone I could want. You're more than that. You're real. You're breathing.

"Like if you cut open a rag doll with a silly name, and found inside: Real intestines, real lungs, a beating heart and blood. A lot of hot, sticky blood." A fantasy made real.
A dream forged with reality. But in a makeshift way. In a way that makes it so you're never really sure if it's a dream, or if it is really happening..

Last night I was so tired of wishing for you.
I just want your hand curled in mine. I don't want to have to wait, even though I know it's what is best. For you. For both of us.

I'm just so.. I'm just so exhausted. I feel like a stranger when I'm away from you. I feel like.. I feel like a day not spent breathing in the sun beside you is a day put to waste. Sometimes when I'm listening to you speak I feel like.. like maybe the human race isn't so bad. Like maybe we have a chance. If there were more people like you.
If I could be more like you.

And all the words to all the songs that remind me of your smile are popping into my head, but I want to express this by myself for once. I want to .. I want to realize what it is, what it is exactly that I'm feeling, and I want to tell you. But I know I could never do that. I'm so terrified of rejection. You know that old sports quote? The one about the fear of striking out? Well, it's bullshit, because telling a person how you feel has a lot higher stakes than hitting a fucking ball with a piece of wood.

I don't see how anyone could want to hurt you. How a girl could do what she did to you. How anyone could not.. care for you. Like I do. I just think.. I just think.. I mean. I know you're not perfect. Of course not. I'm not that stupid.. I just.. I just think sometimes that maybe you could feel the same way about me.

(Fucking optimism.)